The Land and Life of Endless Light

Being honest sucks sometimes. I didn't know if I should blog this morning. It was a rough night last night, where I had to share some past sins with Emily. Some painful sins that needed to be revealed and have light shed on them.
This morning has been a tough one, one spent in prayer and mourning. While sitting in prayer and journaling, I felt a tug on my heart to read some of Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris. I had been going through it earlier in the semester but had stopped. For some reason though I felt the Spirit leading me to open it back up and turn to the chapter entitled "When Your Past Comes Knocking." It's an amazing chapter that I highly recommend reading whether you're in a relationship or not. There's a part that I want to share from it in which he quotes out of another book, When God Weeps by Steven Estes and Joni Tada. It is probably one of the most impactful scenes that I've read about the crucifixion and what Jesus dealt with on the cross.

"The face that Moses had begged to see-was forbidden to see-was slapped bloody (Exodus 33:19-20). The thorns that God had sent to curse the earth's rebellion now twisted around his own brow.
"On your back with you!" One raises a mallet to sink in the spike. But the soldier's heart must continue pumping as he readies the prisoner's wrist. Someone must sustain the soldier's life minute by minute, for no man has this power on his own. Who supplies breath to his lungs? Who gives energy to his cells? Who holds his molecules together? Only by the Son do "all things hold together" (Colossians 1:17). The victim wills that the soldier live on-he grants the warriors continued existence. The man swings.
As the man swings, the Son recalls how he and the Father first designed the medial nerve of the human forearm-the sensations it would be capable of. The design proves flawless-the nerves perform exquisitely. "Up you go!" They lift the cross. God is on display in his underwear and can scarcely breathe.
But these pains are a mere warm-up to his other and growing dread. He begins to feel a foreign sensation. Somewhere during this day an unearthly foul odor began to waft, not around his nose, but his heart. He feels dirty. Human wickedness starts to crawl upon his spotless being-the living excrement from our souls. The apple of his Father's eye turns brown with rot.
His Father! He must face his Father like this!
From heaven the Father now rouses himself like a lion disturbed, shakes his mane, and roars against the shriveling remnant of a man hanging on a cross. Never has the Son seen the Father look at him so, never felt even the least of his hot breath. But the roar shakes the unseen world and darkens the visible sky. The Son does not recognize these eyes.
"Son of Man! Why have you behaved so? You have cheated, lusted, stolen, gossiped-murdered,envied, hated lied. You have cursed robbed overspent, overeaten-fornicated, disobeyed, embezzled and blasphemed. Oh, the duties you have shirked, the children you have abandoned! Who has ever so ignored the poor, so played the coward, so belittled my name? Have you ever held your razor tongue? What a self-righteous, pitiful drunk-you, who molest young boys, peddle killer drugs, travel in cliques, and mock your parents. Who gave you the boldness to rig elections, foment revolutions, torture animals and worship demons? Dies the list never end! Splitting families, raping virgins, acting smugly, playing the pimp-buying politicians, practicing exhortation, filming pornography, accepting bribes. You have burned down buildings, perfected terrorist tactics, founded false religions, traded in slaves-relishing each morsel and bragging about it all. I hate, loathe these things in you! Disgust for everything about you consumes me! Can you not feel my wrath?"
Of course the Son is innocent. He is blamelessness itself. The Father knows this. But the divine pair have an agreement, and the unthinkable must now take place. Jesus will be treated as if personally responsible for every sin ever committed.
The Father watches as his heart's treasure, the mirror image of himself, sinks drowning into raw, liquid sin. Jehovah's stored rage against humankind from every century explodes in a single direction.
"Father! Father! Why have you forsaken me?!"
But heaven stops its ears. The Son stares up at the One who cannot, who will not, reach down or reply.
The Trinity had planned it. The Son endured it. The Spirit enabled him. The Father rejected the Son whom he loved. Jesus, the God-man from Nazareth, perished. The Father accepted his sacrifice for sin wand was satisfied. The Rescue was accomplished.
Don't move too quickly from this scene. Keep gazing. The Rescue accomplished here was for You. John Stott writes, "Before we can begin to see the cross as something done for us (leading us to faith and worship), we have to see it as something done by us (leading us to repentance)...As we face the cross, then, we can say to ourselves both 'I did it; my sins sent Him there,' and 'He did it; His love took Him there.'"
Did you see your own offenses on the list of sins that necessiated the Cross? If not, name them yourself. Name your darkest sin. Now reflect on the fact that Christ bore the punishment for that sin. He took the punishment you deserved. Do you feel His passionate and specific love for You? He died for You. He was condemned and cursed so that You could go free-He was forsaken by God so that you would never be forsaken (Hebrews 13:5).

This passage brought my heart to my knees in awe at the amazing reminder of how much Jesus loves me. Loves You. It's difficult to really picture what Jesus was dealing with on the inside during his suffering and death. I think it's easier to picture the physical pain that Jesus endured on that day 2000 years ago that we call "Good Friday." But to think about what really happened to Him, the pain of being cut off from God's presence... It blows my mind.
While I don't have any encouraging words or profound thoughts today, I do pray that if you get a chance to read this, that the amazing words of Estes and Tada can bless you and whether you are struggling with guilt, doubts in life, doubts that anyone loves you, whatever it may, that you know how much Jesus loves You. He went through all of that to show us what Love is, to let us know how much He truly cares about us.